Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Moving on a Beer Budget....EPIC FAIL

Ouiser here. A few weeks ago, NQH and I found a nice little house in the country. Nice yard for Wee Man to run around in, MUCH larger than the mobile home we'd been living in. So we decided to go ahead and rent it.

With our cash in hand and hope in our hearts, we set out to plan the perfect MOVING ON A BEER BUDGET.

Little did we know...

Five days later we FINALLY got everything in the house. Now it looks like a house threw up in my house. This house is now my worst nightmare. As for the budget? pfffrrtt out the window it went...


Enlisting in the help of our babyminders, Chris and Lauren, we start boxing things up to be taken over. We'd planned on staying at the trailer til we got everything moved as the big bulky stuff would be the last to go. We started out strong on Wednesday afternoon until around 6pm, when we discovered that the water in the trailer had been cut off already. Okay, no biggie, we've got the air conditioners we bought earlier, just pop em in and we're set right?


The outlets in the den and the masterbedroom were kaput. No air. Too hot for us to stay so we end up going to...


It was a Super 8. Nice room, comfy happiness abounds. Granted, there went 130 bucks. And Wee Man WOULD NOT SLEEP. Sleep just was NOT gonna happen. He cried and whined ALL night because I'd forgotten to bring PILLOWMONKEY with us. Pillowmonkey is a mini pillowpet in the shape of a monkey. He loves the thing and sleeps ON it. Without Pillowmonkey, the world will end. The End.
I even resorted to reading him The Lovesong of J Alfred Prufrock. It worked for about ohh...ten minutes. I finally had to put him in bed with me. NQH slept on the other bed. By slept I mean snored. Loudly. Enough that between Lumberjack Man and Wee Whiny Man. Mommy's Schmidt Level was creeeping up.

Day Two-

Eating, packing, moving, sweating. More eating. We had another helper that day and to celebrate getting all the big stuff over to The House From Hell, we went to Logan's for dinner.

One Hundred and Thirty Dollars Later...

Mommy hasn't eaten her dinner. She's too busy trying to keep Wee Man from stealing things off her plate, too busy trying to keep him entertained. He's whiny. The sound of everyone's voices is grating on my last nerve. Wait, I HAVE NO NERVES LEFT...Mommy's in Code Red. One more whine and Mommy's gonna SNAP.

My dinner when I did finally get to take a bite of my steak? SUCKED DONKEY BALLS.

At least the potato was good. I think anyway.


Late start due to NQH having his physical therapy appointment. Mommy gets some retail therapy at Borders.

I bought "Go The F*** To Sleep"

I thought it was fitting.

Eat, go back to the trailer to get the rest of the stuff packed.

And the electricity, which was supposed to have been turned off at noon, but wasn't as of 6pm finally gets cut off in the middle of trying to get the rest of the stuff packed. At 8pm.

Get the stuff to the house. Take one look around and go "Fuck it".

We go back to the motel. It's the weekend rates.

One Hundred and Thirty Dollars Later....

Wee Man sleeps, Our helpers sleep, NQH sleeps. I FINALLY sleep.

Day Four.

I have to work PRAISE WHICHEVER DEITY YOU SO CHOOSE TO WORSHIP. EVERYONE has finally grated on my nerves enough that I'm ready to bite folks heads off. I take it out on my customers instead. Fun times for all.

Day Five.

Everything's moved in. My house looks like a house threw up in it. We sleep in our own bed. Now the fun begins...


SPIDERS SPIDERS EVERYWHERE!!! We killed a metric assload of the evil eight legged bastard freaks BEFORE we started moving stuff in, We sprayed for them...

AND THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. I start digging through boxes to find my monitor cord for the desktop computer. THEY'RE IN MY BOXES. I kill one in the kitchen. I kill two in the baby's room. I killed HOPEFULLY TWO in my boxes in the bedroom. This was good for a good fifteen minutes of screaming, running in circles and crying hysterically as um...I'm scared of spiders. Seriously. I refuse to unpack another box. End of story.

What should have been something simple has now turned into a nightmare. Til the spiders are gone. I shall not sleep.

Let's not even talk about the corn...