Friday, March 15, 2013

That Couldn't Wait?

Truvy here with more random things my kid says. I really ought to invest in a tape recorder.

Just now I went to the potty. As I sat there, the kid kept informing me, via yelling across the house, that she wanted to watch Caillou. Then she trots down the hall and says she needs to pee-pee. So she sits on her potty all the while telling me how she wants to watch Caillou. Then she suddenly stops and says "OK, I'm gonna pee-pee now." She does her business, says "I'm a big girl," informs me yet again that she wants to watch Caillou, and trots back to the living room. When I get out to the living room, smarty-pants has already pulled up an episode of Caillou on Netflix (thanks a lot Windows 8) and is happily watching it. Crazy child....

Lil Bit's birthday is tomorrow...she will be 3. Ugh! We were shopping for some things for her party, and she felt it was her sworn duty to inform every child we saw that her birthday is soon. At all three stores.

Hubby was playing with her yesterday and laid on her tummy. He was addressing her as "pillow." She kept saying "No, Daddy! I'm [Lil Bit]!" She does this any time you call her something other than her name. Unless she initiates it. One night I was Mommy Dinosaur and she was Baby Dinosaur the entire time she was helping me with laundry and dinner. It was awesome. <3

Wednesday night, she couldn't she ended up in bed with me somehow. She was playing with stickers and one ripped. Then you hear a distressed voice saying, "It's broken!" Then, very sullenly, "I'll never be happy again."

On morning she came up to me and said she had a baby and a heart in her tummy. =/ Not for another 30 years, kid.

"i yike naked! i want naked my booooty. my boooooty!" *booty shaking commences* <--A Facebook post from last week.

The same night of the sticker-ripping tragedy, I may or may not have passed gas. "Mommy! You farted again!" "Excuse me." "Thank you Mommy."

She also put a pair of my panties on as a Borat-style swimsuit...that was flipping hilarious. And she kept wiggling her booty and dancing around. I'm thinking it will be an excellent submission for her Senior yearbook.

Needless to say, I am not at a loss for daytime entertainment in this house.

And now I am being summoned to paint a picture "together! *jump*"

<3 Truvy

Monday, March 11, 2013

Did She Really Say That???

We have a new feature here on Champagne Mommyhood called "Did She REALLY Just Say That?" In it you'll find snippets of conversations between Truvy, M'Lynn and myself as well as possibly others. For our first installation:

T: awwwww hubs just baked cookies n brought me some w/ milk.
M: aw yay
O: aww maybe his pms is abating
T: I sure hope so
M: I am so glad I don't have hubby pms to deal with
I really have no interest in dating whatsoever.
T: lol
but you also don't get makeup cookies
M: Every once in awhile im like aw I need a man than im like hell no aint nobody got time for that
I can make myself make up cookies
T: lol!!!!
I know that feel as well

the only hard part is waiting til they firm up to eat them......
That could totally be taken 2 ways
im dieing here
I think I just peed my pants
*blinks* Did Truvy really just say that???

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Crapola That Comes Out Of My Toddler's Piehole

A Day In The Ears Of Truvy:

*points to a random person in the grocery store* "You got a naked booty!"

"I hungy." This single phrase is repeated Lord knows how many times throughout my day.

"I want another cheese." Mommy's reply, "You just had 3." As she is already pulling the cheese drawer out in the fridge and pointing to the sliced cheese instead of the string cheese I bought for her to snack on, "Dis one."

Mommy asks, "Would you like some yogurt?" "Yea! Yogurt." Mommy walks to the table, kid sits at the table, Mommy cracks the foil seal. "No. I don't want yogurt." Mommy hangs head in defeat and grabs a slice of cheese.

After I get off the potty. "You a big girl!" Why yes, small one, I am. Bahahaha.

"Daddy gon pop me."

"Daddy mad at me."

If she is doing something she knows she isn't supposed to, and you ask her a question or simply say her name..."Nuffin."

Constant night time phrases...When I'm reading a book to her, she picks up another book or forces to my hand to go back to page 1 and says, "Another story." As I leave the room or have left the room and she is nowhere near sleep, "Don't close the door!!!" Um...Mommy's butt is on the couch...your door is safe.

"Not dis one."

Mommy asks, "Do you want to watch SpongeBob, Adventure Time, or Phineas and Ferb." Toddler states her preference here, and Mommy flips to preferred show. Toddler freaks out and yells "Nooooo not dis one!!!" while waving her hands, with a pained look on her face. I have learned to leave it there, and she will eventually forget her protest.

"Mommy, I want juice." -.- Child, you will float away. Now go sit on the potty before we drown.

When she isn't getting her way..."Oh pease oh pease oh pease oh pease...." This can be said with a fairly happy face....or when tears are rolling, cheeks are red, and tantrum mode is set. And the sad....oh the sad.

PS-One of Mommy's favorite phrases (especially since I am recovering from having my gallbladder removed): "Go ask Daddy." ;)

A Day In The Ears Of Ouiser:

"NO!!!!" Usually said in response to anything I ask. "Do you wanna get up?" "Would you like some breakfast/lunch/dinner/nap/partridge in a pear tree?"

"Happy Happy! Happy Happy!" *while grabbing the Duck Dynasty DVD off the tv stand and pushing it at me. Chunky Munky's latest obsession is watching Duck Dynasty, which from what I've been told is rather unusual for the toddler bunch, but whatever. 

*turning the tv off* *toddles up to tv and looks at it*
"TV???What the hell??"*smacks television*

While driving down the road:

"JACKASS!" I do not take credit for this, I blame his daddy, who says this quite frequently because people in this state do not know how to drive. At all.

"Buuuuuuuuurrrrrnnnnnnn" I started saying this anytime we pass a store owned by the company I used to work for. Sadly the boy has picked up on it.

I'm such a terrible influence.

"Soft kitty, warm kitty" He's evidently trying to learn the "Soft Kitty" song from Big Bang Theory, and when we first got Jack (our cat), I would pet him with his hand and say "soft kitty" Unfortunately, Jack now gets called "Jackass" can't imagine why...

"c'mon!!" Mommy is old, and doesn't move as quickly as she used to. He says this to try and spurn me on to get me to do something more quickly. It doesn't work so well.

"I pooped/pee" That's great kid, but why won't you tell me you have to go BEFORE you go? This potty training thing isn't working out so well and I'll have to send you to school in diapers still and a rainbow will follow you everywhere.

Mommy's favorite phrase to use:

I'm telling Daddy what you've done.