Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Crapola That Comes Out Of My Toddler's Piehole

A Day In The Ears Of Truvy:

*points to a random person in the grocery store* "You got a naked booty!"

"I hungy." This single phrase is repeated Lord knows how many times throughout my day.

"I want another cheese." Mommy's reply, "You just had 3." As she is already pulling the cheese drawer out in the fridge and pointing to the sliced cheese instead of the string cheese I bought for her to snack on, "Dis one."

Mommy asks, "Would you like some yogurt?" "Yea! Yogurt." Mommy walks to the table, kid sits at the table, Mommy cracks the foil seal. "No. I don't want yogurt." Mommy hangs head in defeat and grabs a slice of cheese.

After I get off the potty. "You a big girl!" Why yes, small one, I am. Bahahaha.

"Daddy gon pop me."

"Daddy mad at me."

If she is doing something she knows she isn't supposed to, and you ask her a question or simply say her name..."Nuffin."

Constant night time phrases...When I'm reading a book to her, she picks up another book or forces to my hand to go back to page 1 and says, "Another story." As I leave the room or have left the room and she is nowhere near sleep, "Don't close the door!!!" Um...Mommy's butt is on the couch...your door is safe.

"Not dis one."

Mommy asks, "Do you want to watch SpongeBob, Adventure Time, or Phineas and Ferb." Toddler states her preference here, and Mommy flips to preferred show. Toddler freaks out and yells "Nooooo not dis one!!!" while waving her hands, with a pained look on her face. I have learned to leave it there, and she will eventually forget her protest.

"Mommy, I want juice." -.- Child, you will float away. Now go sit on the potty before we drown.

When she isn't getting her way..."Oh pease oh pease oh pease oh pease...." This can be said with a fairly happy face....or when tears are rolling, cheeks are red, and tantrum mode is set. And the sad....oh the sad.

PS-One of Mommy's favorite phrases (especially since I am recovering from having my gallbladder removed): "Go ask Daddy." ;)

A Day In The Ears Of Ouiser:

"NO!!!!" Usually said in response to anything I ask. "Do you wanna get up?" "Would you like some breakfast/lunch/dinner/nap/partridge in a pear tree?"

"Happy Happy! Happy Happy!" *while grabbing the Duck Dynasty DVD off the tv stand and pushing it at me. Chunky Munky's latest obsession is watching Duck Dynasty, which from what I've been told is rather unusual for the toddler bunch, but whatever. 

*turning the tv off* *toddles up to tv and looks at it*
"TV???What the hell??"*smacks television*

While driving down the road:

"JACKASS!" I do not take credit for this, I blame his daddy, who says this quite frequently because people in this state do not know how to drive. At all.

"Buuuuuuuuurrrrrnnnnnnn" I started saying this anytime we pass a store owned by the company I used to work for. Sadly the boy has picked up on it.

I'm such a terrible influence.

"Soft kitty, warm kitty" He's evidently trying to learn the "Soft Kitty" song from Big Bang Theory, and when we first got Jack (our cat), I would pet him with his hand and say "soft kitty" Unfortunately, Jack now gets called "Jackass" can't imagine why...

"c'mon!!" Mommy is old, and doesn't move as quickly as she used to. He says this to try and spurn me on to get me to do something more quickly. It doesn't work so well.

"I pooped/pee" That's great kid, but why won't you tell me you have to go BEFORE you go? This potty training thing isn't working out so well and I'll have to send you to school in diapers still and a rainbow will follow you everywhere.

Mommy's favorite phrase to use:

I'm telling Daddy what you've done.

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