Wednesday, June 29, 2011

A Month's Worth of "Tuesday Night Noms"!

Dinner on the cheap. When you hear folks say that you automatically assume 'ugh ramen again'. Not here at Champagne Mommyhood!

Since we've been slacking lately (work, illness and the like) we're giving you a QUADRUPLE dose of "Tuesday Night Noms"!

To start:

Ouiser's 'Dog Food'

An ex of mine used to make this for us all the time. Hate the ex, stole his recipe*lol* At least he was good for something right? We'll overlook the fact that he was/is batshit crazy.

1 lb ground beef
1 1/3 c. minute rice
1 can cream of mushroom soup
minced onion
worcestshire sauce (to taste)

brown the beef with the worcestshire and mixed onion.
Boil the rice according to the directions
Drain beef, add boiled rice and 1 can of cream of mushroom soup.


Quick, easy and filling (and nutritious especially if you use brown rice)

Bastard Shepard's Pie

1 lb ground beef (seasoned with bbq or worcestshire sauce to your tastes), garlic, minced onion
peas or green beans
cheese (sliced or shredded)
instant mashed potatoes (or you can make your own from 'real potatoes' if you're so inclined)

Preheat oven to 400

brown the beef with your seasonings
add 1 can peas or green beans

Make your potatoes according to directions on box

in a dish (size doesn't matter as long as it all fits in the end!) layer the beef veggie mixture, sprinkle with cheese, layer mashed potatoes on top, sprinkle with cheese

Place in oven for 15-20 mins or until cheese is melty and potatoes are starting to brown just a little bit for that crusty goodness


BBQ Cheeseburger Pizza

1 box Jiffy Pizza Crust Mix
BBQ Sauce
1/2 lb ground beef
Cheddar Cheese
1/2 jar tomato sauce

Make pizza crust according to box directions.

Brown the beef. When sufficiently browned add in the BBQ sauce (to taste)
Spread the pizza sauce on the crust.
Layer the beef bbq mixture on top
Top with cheese
Bake 15-20 mins until cheese is bubbly.


Truvy's Crockpot Chicken Thingy (with Bonus Lunch!)

-1 pack of boneless skinless chicken breasts..mine had 3 decent breasts in it
-1 large can cream of chicken soup
-1 can chicken broth
-any veggies you want...this last time i use 1 can niblets corn and 1 can sweet peas, both drained...raw veggies work too!
-salt, to taste
-tony chachere's or cajun seasoning of you choice
-about a cup of italian bread crumbs (or plain if you like)
-hot sauce, i used frank's red hot

Crockpot Chicken Thingy:
chop 2/3 of your chicken boobs into cubes. combine cream of chicken, chicken broth (except for a little....leave a couple tablespoons in the can for now, veggies, chicken, and a little salt in your crockpot. cook at high for about 5 hours or low for about 8 hours. make sure our chicken is cooked throughout. i served this over biscuits that i cooked til they were just a little doughy, and it gave this chicken pot pie effect. the ultimate comfort food.

Bonus Lunch:
when you open your chicken package, take one of the breasts, unchopped, and put it in a baking dish...i used a shallow glass casserole dish. shakes some cajun seasoning and bread crumbs over it, and a little salt and pepper if you feel the need. flip the chicken a couple times to coat both sides. then, if you're up for it, splash some hot sauce over the top. pour the last little bit of chicken broth in the pan to keep it moist. i put it in a 375 degree-ish oven for about 20 minutes? when it was done, i combined it (sliced up) with a bag of predominantly spinach salad, some leftover almond accents (in the produce section with salad toppers), and some croutons. so good and juicy i didn't even need dressing!!!

Did you recreate any of these dishes? Snap a picture and let us know how it turned out!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Words We Use Entirely Too Much

A Friendly Handy Dandy Easy To Use Guide (which will be added to as we see fit)


Chokeaho-verb. The act you wish to commit to someone male or female who acts like a dumbass. Also used as a threat. Example- "dont make me go all chokeaho on your ass, Bitch!"


Loser- Ouiser's second husband whom she's in the process of divorcing but has been stymied by ancient technology. (see 'typewriter')

Meep-universal usage. Is a noun, verb, etc etc. Usually used in place of various swear words. Example: That mothermeeper just meeping cut my ass off in traffic. Also used as a warning to others. Example: meeeeeeep(said with shaking fist)

Memes-Truvy's addiction. See for details and hilarity. Do not be shocked if you see some pop up on the blog...especially if the blog is written after midnight and Mountain Dew is involved.


NQH- Not Quite Hubby. What Ouiser refers to her significant other Robert as, since they can't legally marry yet.

No-No - What Truvy is pretty sure Lil Bit thinks her name is lately.


Typewriter- An ancient piece of technology that  has stymied Ouiser and says she'd give her kingdom for so she can finalize her divorce from Loser and FINALLY marry NQH. Due to filing all paperwork herself, she's been told that a certain form has to be filled out using a typewriter. Which she does not have. Which NO ONE seems to have.


Winomail-noun. What Truvy sends out after partaking in Friday Night W(h)ine. Similar to 'drunk dialing' and 'drunk texting' and 'Black Cord Fever' (read Lewis Grizzard for a description of  'BCF').

Curse of the Red Bitch

Welcome to Ouiser's World of Hurt. I am seriously about to rip my uterus out with my barehands and be done with the whole deal. The bloaty, the crampy, the bitchy, the whiny, the bleedy without dying-y. I'm sick of it!

The RED BITCH has been a very bad girl indeed. You would think that FIFTEEN MONTHS after having Wee Man she'd see fit to act normally, but noooooooooooooooooo. Oh, she did for about 3 months and then she went to Hell and back and decided to drag me along for the ride. This last month alone, as in 30 days, she's been here for going on 17. She was here for fourteen, gone for a week and now she's BACK.

Effin' whore.

So, not only has the bitch put a real damper on any enjoyable Happy Adult Fun Time as shower boinking, while fun, gets old after a while ; I'm also having to invest in JUMBO PACKS of plug the flow supplies!. I guess I should be lucky I have a METRIC ASSLOAD of coupons to help defray the cost yeah? But sheesh!

I'm actually beginning to wonder if maybe I'm starting to go through menopause early. Like, SUPER SERIOUSLY EARLY. C'mon, Ol Ouiser's not THAT freaking old. I'm only THIRTY FOUR! On the other hand, the signs are there. Hot flashes, wonky cycles, thinning skin, especially on my face. There are lines there that weren't there previously, and of course that stray hair on my chinny chin chin. But it's too early!!

Granted, perhaps it's not a BAD thing. I'm through having wee ones (after one and 5 previous miscarriages due to a blood clotting disorder, some long ass latin name which boils down to I could throw a clot and die eventually since my blood clots TOO well), my tubes are tied. The factory for all intents and purposes is closed. Out of order. Out to lunch...keep on knocking but no one's home.

So in closing, send tampons, or adult diapers and some Veet or something lest I start looking like a Yeti. Mmmkay?


Thursday, June 23, 2011

A Crossroads....

Dear friends, I have reached a fork in my road of life. It has been extremely difficult for me to schedule in time to go to school now that I am working again. I have been quietly mulling over the idea of dropping out until things get a little more stable. The downside, of course, would be that in 6 months I get to start paying back my student loans. The upside would be that I could focus more energy into my AVON business, and I could ask for more hours at work. I aim to devote enough energy into my business to pay back my loan out of my AVON income, by the time it comes time to begin paying them back.

What would you do in this situation? I haven't even mentioned this to my hubby yet....just really thought about it earlier today. It just seems like the most logical financially. *sigh*

O well, that can wait until tomorrow.

<3 Truvy

We're Baaaaaack! With TikTokkyPortaPottyGoodness!

Okay so we totally suck donkey balls. We've all been sick, working or without our 'interwebz'. Perhaps all three and bedbugs? Whaaaa? You are NOT coming up here with that infested mess Truvy, just saying!

But it would probably be welcome after some of the whucktastical dreams I've had lately. I'm gonna blame the drugs personally. That's the ONLY logicial explaination. By drugs, I mean doctor prescribed, kill the infucktion type yeah.

The MOST whucktastical of which involved our heroes Kate and Lydia from Rants From Mommyland, whom we want to be like when and if we ever grow up. The details are sorta fuzzy but as I recall, it took place at a fair and involved a t-box drinking contest. Which for those of us on a beer budget...yeah you can kinda guess where that ended up. Next thing you know all of us are in porta potties puking our respective guts out in unison, to the tune (if you could call it that) of Ke$ha's 'Tik Tok'.

Oddly, it was kinda cool. But I woke up before I found out who won the contest.

I can see it now though....*shakes head*

Friday, June 3, 2011

Tonight We Dine In Itchy Hell...Please Pass The Meatloaf

As if my health wasn't screwy enough....over the past 2-3 weeks I have faced seasonal allergies (*yawn* so used to this cycle, bring it on), pink eye (what is this new fresh hell!?), and a sinus infection (did i swallow glass??). Now that all that fun stuff seems to be wrapping up, I am faced with a much darker nemesis. The evil *sha-sha-sha* *whispered* bed bug.
I feel like throwing anything cloth out...couches and bed included.....and most of our clothes...that part actually isn't such a bad idea. And to top things off, I don't get another off day until Monday. So, basically, I can't deal with the pesky demon until then.
I do believe I identified the offending infested fabric delight. Just so happens it is my wonderful pluuuuush mattress pad that makes you feel like you're sleeping on cotton candy. I just washed it the other day, the fricking day before I noticed my first bite. It is now sitting outside the front door waiting to be whisked away to le dumpster.
Has anyone dealt with this tiny evil before? I am totally open to any and all tips you have for me.
Until then, I will spend tonight on the couch. And every night until I can beat these suckers.
I'm totally going Chuck Norris on them.
<3 Truvy

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Our First Guest Post!

Ouiser and I have been a bit under the weather. Our sincerest apologies. I am on my second day of a nightly routine of eat, 2 horse pill antibiotics, 2 sprays of nasal spray per nostril, 1 drop for each eye, and a tsp of lovely prescription cough syrup. So we called in the reinforcements. So, ladies and gentlemen, my awesome mommy friend Kristina answered the call with some amazing (and cheap!) ideas to entertain younguns of any age.

<3 Truvy


Hello all! I guess I should introduce myself first- I am Kristina, I have known Truvy for 6 years. I am the proud and exhausted mother of 2 under 2 (for 8 more days!) and a military wife. Translation = poor. Very, very poor, enabling me to be fiercly creative and totally cheap when trying to keep my kids entertained. Here are a few crafts you can do with your kids for under $5 each! Don’t let age limit your kids’ artistic abilities, and don’t worry what they will think of your art. Trust me… my almost 2 year-old doesn’t hesitate to say “No Mom! Paint like dis. Paint like Georgia Grace.” I am incredibly artistically challenged. I just tell her I can do it how I want to! (Yes, she runs this household). Anyhoo… here ya go.

1.      Recycled junk = toys!
Whilst attempting to make beef stroganoff (recipe anyone?) my little lady who was around 10 months at the time was hanging on to the back of my knees for dear life. What can I do to entertain her? Expanding on a friend’s idea, I washed the sour cream container, dried it thoroughly and tossed in some dry noodles. Of course this needed to be sealed so my clever little princess couldn’t access the choking hazard inside so I taped it up. I highly recommend gluing any of you creations with nail glue or hot glue. Some alternate ideas are: water bottle with rice, ketchup bottle and mac noodles, quaker oats tube and those dried beans you always say you are going to make but don’t have a clue what to do with. Just make sure to dispose of these musical instruments after a few months if you suspect any molding. Bleck! Final cost? Under $2 for rice, beans, etc.

2.      Scratch and sniff paint? Wait really? Yes really!
Grab a few packets of kool-aid mix at the store mix em individually in about 1/3 c water (more or less based on how much you need) , and let their imaginations go bananas! I love to use any chance I can to explain to the little lady how colors work. She knows almost all her colors but thinks pink rules the world. The best part is that when they are done painting with this completely safe to eat (and they will prob taste it) paint, it smells like a sangria… which is the closest thing to a drink I will get before bedtime =) final cost? Depends on how many colors you use but usually less than $2
3.      Marble art is a little more expensive but a ton of fun!           
Take a shoebox (diaper box, hamburger helper box, etc) Dip a marble (pebble, large bead, golf ball) in one color of paint. Turn on the music and let your cutie bug shake the box to the beat. Rinse marble and dip in next color. Turn on a new song and rock out! Tear open your box if you used a recycled package and see the awesome marbled results! Under $5 depending on how many paints you buy.

4.      Need to make your own paint? Bring 2 cups water to a boil and slowly add 1 cup flour and stir until it’s like gravy. Simmer for about 5 mins to thicken. Pour into separate containers and add food coloring or left over kool-aid mix. Let cool. My 5–month-old sweetie bug looooooves painting with his feet!  Under $2 depending on cost of food coloring.

Thanks for letting me join you tonight and have a great time introducing your kids to art and music! My diva and future qb are tucked in for the night so I must do the domestic goddess gig. Or I could curl up and catch up on 16 and Pregnant.

Remember… “Imagination is more important than knowledge"- Albert Einstein