Friday, June 24, 2011

Curse of the Red Bitch

Welcome to Ouiser's World of Hurt. I am seriously about to rip my uterus out with my barehands and be done with the whole deal. The bloaty, the crampy, the bitchy, the whiny, the bleedy without dying-y. I'm sick of it!

The RED BITCH has been a very bad girl indeed. You would think that FIFTEEN MONTHS after having Wee Man she'd see fit to act normally, but noooooooooooooooooo. Oh, she did for about 3 months and then she went to Hell and back and decided to drag me along for the ride. This last month alone, as in 30 days, she's been here for going on 17. She was here for fourteen, gone for a week and now she's BACK.

Effin' whore.

So, not only has the bitch put a real damper on any enjoyable Happy Adult Fun Time as shower boinking, while fun, gets old after a while ; I'm also having to invest in JUMBO PACKS of plug the flow supplies!. I guess I should be lucky I have a METRIC ASSLOAD of coupons to help defray the cost yeah? But sheesh!

I'm actually beginning to wonder if maybe I'm starting to go through menopause early. Like, SUPER SERIOUSLY EARLY. C'mon, Ol Ouiser's not THAT freaking old. I'm only THIRTY FOUR! On the other hand, the signs are there. Hot flashes, wonky cycles, thinning skin, especially on my face. There are lines there that weren't there previously, and of course that stray hair on my chinny chin chin. But it's too early!!

Granted, perhaps it's not a BAD thing. I'm through having wee ones (after one and 5 previous miscarriages due to a blood clotting disorder, some long ass latin name which boils down to I could throw a clot and die eventually since my blood clots TOO well), my tubes are tied. The factory for all intents and purposes is closed. Out of order. Out to lunch...keep on knocking but no one's home.

So in closing, send tampons, or adult diapers and some Veet or something lest I start looking like a Yeti. Mmmkay?


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